REVIEW by Ginny: Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies (How To End Human Suffering #1) by James Marshall – Released Yesterday! (@puretextuality )

In a world where Zombies control banks and governments, only one young man sees the way things are and emerges from the Chaos and destruction: Guy Boy Man. While he tries to end human suffering worldwide and in his high school, Guy Boy Man meets a cute Pink-Haired girl named Babydoll15 who has a Unicorn that follows her everywhere. An Epic Romance begins, but forces Beyond Their Control are intent on keeping the young couple apart. One of those Forces may – or may not be! – Guy Boy Man’s closest friend, a handsome African-American Ninja named Sweetie Honey; another could be four Exotically Beautiful, genetically engineered and behaviorally modified Eastern European Girls; yet another, the principal of their High School …not to mention an impending standardized test known as the Zombie Acceptance Test! Will Guy Boy Man find a way to be with Baby Doll15 in a World Where Everyone Is Doomed to become either zombies or zombie food?

I am fucking conflicted and I hate that. (and yes, I did have to use that word. It was necessary thank you.)

I’m conflicted because this book is… conflicting. Listen, I’m not Socrates, and this book has me more perplexed than I’ve been in a long time. See I was all prepared to write something like this:

The prologue is one long run on sentence. I love run on sentences. When used correctly they can be comically delicious. However, on page 3 the hilarity morphed into tedium, and I might have dozed off for a minute while reading. A couple of times.

This pretty much gives you a feel for the rest of the book.

It’s outlandish. Its writing style is supposed to be funny. So what do I end up doing? Spending the entire book wondering if this is brilliant or tedious. Is it offensive or am I being overly sensitive? At one point I even decided that it was kind of like a manga or anime (but in the worst possible sense, complete with a bad dub with clipped dialogue) and I’d just have to take it in small doses. It didn’t help. Not even a spoon full of sugar could’ve helped this book. Which is sad, since I enjoyed the concept… just the rambling tangents could have been cut back. Like a lot.

Then I got to 33% and the rambling became one of the deepest philosophical epiphanies in regards to carnal relations I’ve ever read. I wish I was kidding. I wish I could’ve written this book off. I wish that the cake I’m eating right now had no calories. But if wishes were horses I’d probably be a Minotaur. (Wait a minute… I think Mr. Marhsall’s writing style infected my brain. Please wait while I load my most recent back-up)


Right after this brief interlude though, it’s back to inanity. Back to bizarre and a little bit offensive speech. Then right back to deep metaphors. At this point I’m nearly positive that the author is just fucking with me. I mean, is he a genius and I’m too stupid to understand, or is he the one that is stupid while I am too smart to understand his gibbering.


And that’s fucking pissing me off.

I give this book… no, you know what, I’m not rating it. There. Last laugh goes to Ginny.

I guess in the end all I can say is that it reminded me of Akira. I never really did “appreciate” Akira as much as I was told I should have either. (I told my sister and husband this, and they tried to impress upon me the bodacity that is Akira… and I’m sorry, but I still don’t get it.)

Ok, so I’m actually not going to be petty and I will give it a rating. It’s 3.5 stars, but with a warning: This book may well be brilliant (the jury is still out for me) but it’s wrapped up in offensiveness and inanity that it might not be worth it.

Click here for the paperback!
Click here for the Kindle book!  

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